i've decided that i am going to be unequivocally myself. that may sound weird but this is what i mean. i am not going to lose myself and compromise things about myself that i may think others might not like. when i go to a job interview i am going to dress like myself, naturally and professionally, not like what i think they want me to look like. i'm going to wear pig tails and sparkly headbands when i go out in public. i also do not want to compromise any of my beliefs, like today i read a job ad that wanted the person to have the ability to prepare "gender-specific" activites, um, some boys like drama and singing and dress up and some girls like construction and banging and building, it made me upset. so i decided not to apply there bc if i am upset before even applying that is a good indication that i will not be happy working there. there were a couple of jobs i wanted to apply to but didn't bc i've been feeling hot and naseous, i still can tonight, i suppose.
i'm going to psych tomorrow to check in. i am going to ask her about going off of birth control, too. i've been on it for so long and intially it was to help regulate mood, but i have lots of other stuff for that now, and i'm not sexually active and i have tons of condoms from previous appointments at planned parenthood, which i need to make an appointment for after this crimson tide. then i have group on wednesday and head up to dad's et al for a few days of visiting and easter fun :)
i don't really think this natural allergy stuff is going to work out. so far i've had a really bad sinus headache continuously. and i've been waking up with my eyes, nose and throat dry and crusty. it's been 5 days so i guess i'll give it a bit more time. but when i go to my dad's i know it's really bad. i'd rather have the inhaler than take benadryl or something that whacks me out. we'll see.
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1 comments:
Sinus headaches are the WORST!!!!!! I once had one... and even had bleeding with it... and the pain was so awful that I had to take vicodin.
I am happy to hear what you're saying. The more you feel accepted for being yourself... the better you will be. It also shows a greater respect for yourself and a self love that I like to see. And the gender specific thing is gross. How could you be happy that way?
I feel that over the course of my struggles this year, I've grown more sure of myself. I need acceptence less from other people. I have learned how to appreciate who I am without apology and understand that if someone needs me to apologize for the person I am and the feelings i have... than maybe I should delete their number from my phone. You know?
Recently I did a personal purge. And I, to myself, shed a lot of people from my life who were always happy to take from me when they were in need... but would not even return my phone calls when I was in need. Not long ago, I would have been scared to do this. Scared of hurting feelings, or of being thought poorly of. Now, I understand that I do not have to share myself, my life, my experiences or my resources with people who are unkind to me, bad to me or are selfish, terrible friends. I do not have to. And I won't... without apology.
I know that was a little tangent... but it's my own way of respecting and accepting myself...
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