things fall apart

i can't think too much bc i am literally shaking and every muscle is clenched and i am sweating profusely. here's the low down.

1-eviction notice. pay or vacate. thank god for my mom, dad and jane who said this was the last time they were going to help me. but dad said he does feel like i am on the brink of something excellent. i really hope he's right, i know that school is 6 days away yet i don't know how i am going to do it.

2-out of meds. allergy-i have a constant headache and can't really breathe and am coughing up stuff that is black. i saved some this morning. klon-i am freaking going insane.

3-almost got sent to hospital. i've never had a problem calling in meds. now that they have an administrator things have gotten stricter, that's fine, but please make it CLEAR. even last month they were called in. last week i didn't have $4 bus fare (there and back more than 2 hour transfer and i can't afford a monthly pass). and they said 'we can prolly call it in a week but not a month'. never heard back, no script for me. then i had to pay my late rent in person yesterday so i was late to the clinic but i called. it's fucking retarded to me that they could take 3 minutes to do it instead of having like 4 workers worried about me for freaking the fuck out. i have to go there tonight. get a 7day, go to Rx, go back on tues to see my real psych, possibly MISS MY FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL, go to Rx again. i understand they are getting stricter, but i would never leave a person in my condition out there without something to help the situation. if i had to wait a week i would've gone to the hospital.

so that's the catch up. now i have $28, only 4hour check coming and no work ahead of me. i need bus money to get around, to appointments and to school. i also need to get my books for school. i need to get medicine. that's it. if i had that, i could make it to my the first week of october where i get my loans dispersed. if i get better functionality going on i am going to try to sell things. right now i just look like a dirty, sweaty insane person in non matching clothes. and i feel like it too. especially the non matching clothes part, i feel that the most. trying to joke. humor button disabled.

ugh. i am trying not to think too much about things bc i know i am freaking out partly bc of crashing off meds. ok, so i guess that's all that's going on. i've been staying at the hippies a lot. that's where i am now. i shouldn't listen to wilco anymore. happy music happy music needed. i swear justin timberlake is a great cure right now. i'm bringin dorky back.