i wanna cry.

todays class was lame. it started out good. and then it got really frustrating. i thought grad school would be different in that i would be surrounded by others of matching intelligence but i was proven wrong. we had to do this 5 norms of the class and it sucked. everyone was calling out and i had my hand raised for quite some time and the girl next to me even said 'i don't think you're gonna get called on' and so when it was my turn i stated that my point was going to go with confidentiality but i also said that i was really frustrated and that we needed to come up with ideas of how to speak in class. then it turned into a much too drawn out conversation about that. and then they kept singling me out. one person said 'i think it was really brave of you to say that bc i was feeling the same way'. so now everyone has made a judgment on me based on this. but the girl leading was a know it all that doesn't.

i thought i'd be loving school but there are some really annoying people in my classes and it's going to be hard to be myself with all these damn goody two shoes around that think they are smart but aren't and just love to hear their own voice. being smart is a gift and a curse i think. like monk. which i wish i could watch but i have not TV/net yet. i couldn't even watch the debate. the last i heard was that mc cain might be suspending and then today i saw that it was boring and no issues were talked about and no one won. but i would've liked to get to that conclusion on my own.

i do have phone again. so call me! and monday i have to come here to get books. and all my classes are relying very heavily on email and Internet reading which is annoying bc i need a copy to see and read but it would be too much to print at home and also charges per page at school. so i need net back ASAP bc i can't really get shit done in the library or at school. i need my money. monday i am going to financial aid to get my books and do all the other stuff.

also, i am off the pro and onto the balta at a low dose to double on tuesday so i am sure it's affecting my mood. but i don't feel sick or too hyper or too tired or anything and i feel slightly less depressed in that i've gotten out of bed each done and done stuff. i even sewed yesterday. woot.