i might be making some of the worst decisions ever recently. i have no money, so instead of buying bulk food, i keep ordering pizza - bad decision. speaking of food, i've been eating nothing but j-u-n-k - bad decision. i never do anything productive, when i get bored of the computer or tv, i sleep - bad decision. i hardly ever go outside - bad decision. i've been canceling appointments - bad decision. my house is a mess and i never clean it - bad decision. i have a bunch of stuff i could possibly sell, but it's sitting on my floor - bad decision.
yeah. so. that's the summary. kind of the same - old - same - old. i really need to break these bad (non) routines i have established for myself. instead of going to the computer first thing, i could do lots of other stuff. the Internet will still be there, etc. also it's been proven (by me) that going out and doing stuff with friends is good. also, exercising and eating well is important to me (you couldn't tell right now) and will make me feel better. etc., etc., etc.
i don't think i am going to get any hours with "work", i just have this feeling, in the beginning when they said they would call either way, they didn't call me, i had to call them, they had my paperwork really really really wrong, they didn't have a nametag for me at training, they didn't take my picture for my permanent name tag. annoying. i looked on craigslist yesterday and there were some PT things that might work. i gots to check on this Work Study thing, it says to come in, i wish they could just post the jobs and you could see if you were interested, they have announcements - 'new WS job in registars office!' and you open it and it says come in to fin. aid to find out more. dammit, it would take 1/2 my day to do that. not that i don't have the time. today i don't, i have karapist at 4.
i really really really have to get rent money. someone has been asking me questions about the camera - that would be awesome if they bought it! and again, my dvds and cds could sell at EM and my clothes at 4 different places and my books and 2 Pl's locations. i have to get on it. HAVE to. i think i will leave my house (one good thing), walk to the store (2 good things) and get creamer and maybe some other good food (3 good things) and make coffee for maximum energy to output of work potential (4 good things).
i am excited for my dad and j to visit next weekend. (motivation to clean!)
i'm really excited for school!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
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4 comments:
It's one thing to know and understand the solutions to your problems, and it's a whole other thing to execute them. I guess, rather than telling yourself that you have to or should do those things... ask yourself why you do not and work on solving that problem. I don't know if that's "duh" advice. My brain is only half functional.
I love you and I am pulling for you.
it's "easier" to order in crappy food and not have to walk to the store. it's "easier" to sleep than to do real stuff bc then i would have to think of said real stuff. it's "easier" to leave that stuff on the floor instead of picking it up. but then i pine over and over and over. or i say at the time that "i don't care" which i may not at that moment, but i do in the long run and then i am hard on myself for doing such dumb things.
i'm supposed to be at karapist but instead i slept and now am hopefully going to get a call from her. i asked if we could do a phone session. she wrote me an email that she was on the phone and would call soon. now it's 35 minutes into my appointment time.
i hate myself sometimes bc making the right choice would be so much better for me, but i still take the easier road at the time and dwell on the mistakes later. boo.
thanks for your support. love!
Hmmmm... I can relate to this. Mostly because I can remember the tough lesson I had to learn in college. Like, if I didn't do my reading for a class than I wouldn't want to go. It would be easier not to. Then, I would get so far behind and never want to go. Of course, I'd have massive anxiety about it and feel guilty and terrible.
In life the things that come easily are never as rewarding as what we work towards. I guess you have to find a way to modify your behavior... and don't ask me how to do that... because I have NO IDEA and it's something that I struggle with every single day.
that totally makes sense - thanks!
and uh, karapist and i just started getting into "Behavior Modification Therapy". i'll share my notes with you ;)
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