party like it's 1899!

that's right. i have no electricity now. i went to psych on tuesday to check in, they couldn't see me but i did get 2 weeks of meds to hold me through til next time. and when i got home there was a note from PGE and no electricity. it's been like that since tuesday. it's dark and candles work a bit, but not like lights. all my food rotted, i am not even going to bother opening the fridge til i get power back and clean it all out. i can't bathe. i tried to shower and all i did was scream and almost fall in and out of the shower bc it was so flipping cold. the first few days i cried and slept and one night i had a nice hot dinner and made a bracelet at c-los's new place. but i was too embarrassed to tell him. last night i went to a party. bc laying in bed isn't doing anything for me. i was running out of green and i decided to take a break. bc it's a crutch. things suck, smoke and it'll be fine for a few hours. also i've been smoking mad cigarettes, something i am also going to stop.

i actually had a pretty good day today. i have one bus pass to get me to karapist on monday and like $3 in change so i walked all around town. i walked to the belmont library which is like 2 miles each way. and then visited c-los at work. and then went home and ate. and then walked another 2miles to the holgate library. i am totally macking and getting 2 hours at the net bc of my educator card. however, the holgate library has proven again to suck ass and has tons of annoying kids and people not respecting library rules. across from me are these 2 kids at the same computer playing a game and really irritating and distracting me. i have my headphones on as loud as i can handle and i can still hear them. if i worked here, i'd be regulating. bc there are "kids gaming computers" as well as "internet" computers. fuckers. and across from me is an ethnic woman on the phone loudly drinking a starbucks not allowed at computer stations. see how near impossible it is for me to get work done?

i didn't go to school all this week bc i had no money or bus tickets and i couldn't really do any work in my non-modern house. i contacted all my teachers the day of class and i wrote a really long email to the director explaining my situation. we are studying how being in the low-income bracket affects education and i tied this in. i also wrote to financial aid and copied my director and landlord to see if they could disburse my check now. bc it's for off campus housing, transportation and other costs (Internet) associated with school. it's mine. i want it. NOW! i got an email from my landlord that they sent a 72 hour pay or vacate notice but she knows i am trying to be proactive so hopefully i won't get the boot bc now i would owe thousands of dollars to school bc it's past the drop out and get money back time. argh. too much going on.

i might stay in by candle light and read and sleep. or i might try to find something free and fun tonight. keeping my chin up while i'm being dragged through the mud.