thousandaire

first, i just want to mention that fluorescent lighting is evil. not the energy efficient ones for home, but the mass ones in public places like the library. i seriously see blue spots and keep think i am seeing things move. weirdness in full effect.

i got my check! for a few moments i'll be a thousandaire. but i am going to pay rent in advance so i don't have to worry about that. and i owe comcast money. but they actually re-did my bill to reflect that i haven't had service since 9/12 without me asking, I guess based on the last conversation. They did charge me $185 for unreturned cable box, modem and remote, but uh, i am going to restart my service so hopefully that will just disappear. i am already expecting them to charge me extra bc that's what places do. oh well. as long as my stuff is paid, money means nothing to me. phone is current. electric is due the 6th, i'll just pay that today, too. besides that i owe STone money bc she's been taking such good care of me. oh and to reduce the smoke i've been making tea or coffee with crystals. good thinking, nik.

i definitely got sick, but i beat it really fast. unfortunately i missed another class and am freaking out but my teacher told me that i have many reasons to have heightened anxiety and that he believes in me! awesome. also, yesterday i majorly freaked out at school. we had class 5-6 and they always start early and end late, it's freaking annoying but yesterday i had a group project in my 6:30 class and was trying to leave at 6 even though she was still talking and i was blocked in so i felt really rude and abrupt with the people i made move. then i forgot the cards for our project and just lost it, started balling and L, my group member hugged me and calmed me down and we got it going. then, we were going over assignments and this teacher (did apologize to the class) but changed dates AGAIN and i was trying to talk and i just started shaking like i was really cold or something is the best way to try to describe it and i took a break and balled in the bathroom. so then, the teacher talked to me and i was clearly avoiding eye contact to not get emotional again and then she brought me out to the hall and as i was breaking down again, she apologized to me profusely and i started to try to be like, i didn't have electric and can't get to email all the time and she told me to not even say anything, not be sorry, she was sorry that i and others were feeling so worried about the semester and she hugged me a lot, she also told me that because of who i was and what she knew i was capable of to just let the past stuff go. then the class was fine. our group presentation was AWESOME! we got amazing peer feedback. word.

because i was sick i didn't go to psych on tues. on wed i got to see fill-in psych to get a refill but need to see real psych, balta is working for me, but it's leveled off, because on the pro i was on a high dose she told me she thinks i need to move up to 120, i am on 60 now and i feel ok, better but not great. i did get a month at 60 though so i don't have to worry about going right away if i have school stuff this week.

what else? i can't think of anything. off to Rx, bank, pay rent and maybe treat myself to a nice hot lunch. los y yo have dinner plans, i am going to meet him at his work at 7:30 and we're gonna cook at his place. oh, and mass homework for tomorrow. wooo school!