well at least i am consistent in one thing: avoidance. at the time it makes things easier. but then i have to deal with it later.
i didn't hate this job. i didn't love this job. i was not fully invested in it though. it was really taxing though. and they expected a lot, like oh, you'll stay late again today right?, even though you were in early at 815 and it's already 530. i started thinking that school will help me in the long run whereas a job helps more in the short term, i think, maybe, i don't know. i started thinking about my old job. that i loved. and lost for no good reason =( i deserve to lose this job. or at least have big consequences. i know what i did is wrong. and i know not getting in touch doesn't help but, ugh, pukey feeling, i can't. i'm scared. and shaking. moving on.
i napped and also slept like 12 hours or more last night. didn't even set alarms. =( i have to get it together. big sigh. i am excited for school. it was suggested that with my hobbies i try to have a few interests at the same time instead of 'eh, i'm bored and dropping this and moving on to something else.' i think i need to do that in my professional life, too. get school going, babysit, tutor, then find a part time job.
another thing. i don't know how to talk to family or friends. which makes avoiding and isolating worse. all in due time. i suppose. meh.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
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2 comments:
I agree with this plan.
I think that you take on a lot at one time. Too much.
I didn't know that you were starting school again. That will be good for you.
You've been doing the same type of job for awhile.. why not try something else. Something less demanding, that you don't have to take home with you. Just something that is chilled, without tons of responsibility... something that you won't lose if you aren't able to go all the time.
i do it over and over again and psych said 'i end up sabotaging myself' - not like i try to, but i get overwhelmed and can't handle anything.
i've been thinking about school for a long time. i had contacted disability services a while ago about trying to fix my last class but i am just re-taking it. if i had followed up in june maybe i could've done something, but i waited too long, sigh. at least i took action. i am signed up to start 12/14.
someone else suggested other work. i'm brainstorming.
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