hello again!

Tuesday May 19, 2009 7pm

HAHAHA, I love older people. After the girl I asked to take her call outside please, there was another person on a cell phone, mind you, I have my headphones on full blast and I can still hear their entire conversation, hey, you’re in a library! So I tried to say excuse me again and he ignored me, so the older man sitting next to me yelled “take it outside, will ya!” – awesome. I love that older people can get away with that, like if I said that they would think I was a bitch and roll their eyes and complain back at me, but way to go older man for regulating!
In my classes I feel like an over-achiever or something, but all I am doing is following the directions. The discussion question answers are supposed to be 150-300 words and I swear people’s answers are like half that. I have to have conversations with people and I chose two that seemed longish, one is 162, one is 188, mine are closer to 300, but I am verbose.
I arbitrarily chose 3 journal articles for my paper, the first one was 1992 and I was geez, this is old, then the next one was studies from the 50s/60s and then one is from the 2000s. I think my tactic will be to say although times have changes, success as a grad student hasn’t changed too much. I hope that my articles support this. But ghesh, if I can write an answer that is over 300words without blinking an eye and then edit it down, this 350-700 should be cake. And it’s only 10 points. That’s another place where my advisors rule, they’re like, look at the point value table before you get wrapped up too much. I don’t fully understand Learning Teams, I know we have to communicate with each other and stuff, but then we have PPP due, does that mean one is done for the whole team, or each person does one? I hope each person does one. I am not a fan of group work, especially since we all get the same grade unless a vast difference (huh huh vas deferens) is seen between team members. All I know is that I said hi and did not give my phone #, skype name or AIM until we decide on our method which I hope is just through our forum bc uh, I’m pretty limited right now. I think I’ve done too much today on not enough sleep and am getting confused on things which I am sure I will be able to grasp. What is everyone’s fascination with doing group work? Well, I guess some people like that more just like I would much rather have a test than a paper and other people are opposite. Adios.
Wednesday May 20, 2009 3:15pm
I am having a lovely day. Last night I watched Idol and I like Kris better bc his style is more what I like, but I think that Adam is more suited for the Idol thing and is hella good, plus his rendition of “Mad World” (the first song he sang) was *amazing*! I am really into “The Mentalist”, my dad introduced me to the show and I likes it. I showered and then played sudoku while watching Seinfeld and went to bed and read some of “Divine Secrets…Ya Ya’s…”, so far, I like Rebecca Wells first book “Little Altars Everywhere” better, but it’s a good, easy read.
I had a full nights sleep and slept until like 9am got ready and went to group which was awesome. I’ve resisted talking about herb bc I don’t know what people’s views are but I mentioned it last week and the other 2 women didn’t say anything, but I could tell one didn’t like it, I said something to her this week and she’s like, whatever, doesn’t mean I’m gonna do it and besides I go to 12step and listen to heroin addicts so this is nothing. Karapist gave me props for taking breaks and realizing I need more stability and better control of moderation. This week the 2 absent ones were there and I talked about it again bc I really really want some and a 48year old said she likes it too and is trying for a medical card and I want to also but I don’t have the sign-up $ and offered bc she was going to get some, but I don’t have $. and then the 20something said she partakes too and we exchanged #s and then txted for a bit after and she said, “just come hang out, I love to share” - sweet. I’ve wanted to hang out with her since the first time we met but uh, am slow in that area. Now I want to get the older ones number that I thought I had but it was for cheap glasses that she gave me the number to. We were all laughing and talking and Karapist was like “I love you guys”. She did have to regulate and I felt bad bc people weren’t listening but I told Karapist she was doing a great job.
I am gonna bust some heads. The financial aid lady NEVER answers. I left another message. I will email from my yahoo and new u of p address AGAIN. Fucking annoying. I mean, I know I have funds bc I am in class and I wouldn’t be if I didn’t have funds, but there are thousands of add’l funds that I NEED to pay for essential, aka, house, phone, electricity. AGH!
I was considering not applying for jobs bc I have interviews, but I am still going to. I deleted 2 though bc one is the one I talked about and I know how difficult it is bc that’s where I was going with STone every week and it was rough just for a few hours being a volunteer with no real responsibilities. I deleted another bc it’s in Oregon City and that’s a really far from me. Meh. I am going to write 3 cover letters for jobs. And then do some school work. I checked and I didn’t have any new assignments so I think I have to like “discuss” things with people. I wish people would read things and realize that posting to the Team forum doesn’t give participation points but I don’t want to ignore people bc I have to work with them. Off to work. WHEEEE!
What the hell is going on? I got ANOTHER confirmed interview for this week. That’s 3 interviews! Feast of famine like a group buddy said. I will still keep applying as I already opened my cover letter to start typing. Woot! Well, scrap all those, one is starting in September, one is temp starting in July when I am away and one is for a Catholic place which I think is fine, but I have a difficult time working at religious places. They always try to say that you don’t have to do the religious stuff if you’re not comfortable or don’t practice their religion, but in the 2 places I worked at that were Catholic, that was not the case. I tried to do things like, “let’s give thanks for our food and the sunshine and our families” and then they always wanted you to say amen and try to have 3 year olds make the sign of the cross. They also signed me up to be a prayer leader one time and I felt uncomfortable saying no, but more uncomfortable preaching something my heart isn’t into. Also, we had to do religious art projects that the kids had no interest in, like Christ bloody on the cross, um, that’s graphic whether it’s religion or not, how bout a nice cotton-ball lamb? Also, my diversity book which had gay people in it wasn’t allowed in the classroom and when the kids were playing dolls and had 2 boys or 2 girls kissing I would say things like how that’s OK and people would tattle on me. I wasn’t saying it to be vindictive, it was just my natural response and belief. When I was playing with my niece one time, she made up a game where only one queen (haha) could kiss people to wake them up from the dragon’s spell, so the queen was kissing boys and girls, first she kissed all the boys and then went to the girls, but littleK kinda gave me a look, like “is this OK” and I would say that some girls kiss other girls but if my step-mom is around she will say something about how we’re playing make believe or it’s in fairy tales just like how in Cinderella they make the step-mom mean and that’s not true all the time either. I asked my dad about what would happen if a gay couple showed up to their church and he said that they would accept them for who they are just like they accept drug addicts and other possible “sinners” bc it’s for God to judge not them. I wonder if the church would try to counsel them, though. I have gone off on an extreme tangent, yet again. Time to get to worky.

10:25pm
First, I am happy the Kris won Idol. Second, I am fucking pissed that the media can’t seem to grasp the fact that people are in different time zones. Eastern is always the dominant one, but Idol is filmed at 5pm in California, I would rather it play at 5pm live instead of the re-play of the live show at 8pm here that shows on the East coast at 8pm. The reason I am pissed is because from 7-8 I was riding my exerbike and I usually just flip through the 4-6 fuzzy channels I have. Well well well, Extra was on and even though I tried to change it as soon as I saw anything, I saw a few seconds and I could tell Adam lost by his body language and saying “well, it’s been…” I tried to put it in the back of my mind. I was happy, but I knew, I just *knew* that’s what was going to happen. I was impressed with many things, but for some reason am really agitated right now so I will just say that I loved Steve Martin, he is a great comedian, actor, book/screen writer (shopgirl) and banjo player, who knew? I think I am going to get his cd for my dad’s bday or father’s day if I ever get my money and/or a job. I still haven’t gotten over the fact that both Millionaire and Jeopardy! ruined the final season of Six Feet Under for me because I was waiting for specific things to happen instead of watching and enjoying. I think I will get it from the library now that there won’t be a year long wait list for it.
OK, I need to calm down. I really want some herb. I think I got my hopes up today about it bc I thought that maybe someone from group and I would hang. Then I txted L* from school about Friday night and she can’t go now bc it’s finals and she’s meeting with friends from school. She already said she wanted to get our puff on bc I shared a lot when we had classes together. Meh. I am not liking clove cigarettes as much. And I have no $ for even a single beer. I totally forgot that I set up a stupid $5 transfer when I set up my new account and I got a $10 charge so instead of having $5.01, I have negative $9.99 in checking and $5 in savings. At least it’s only $10 instead of $35 at wamu and they’re hella cool, so I’ll go there and ask if they can undo the charge and transfer the $5 back. My god, I can’t wait to have a job. I have 2 interviews tomorrow, one at the place that I already interviewed for a while ago, so I hope I don’t have to fill out the application again. And then one for a new school that has both Lead and Asst. Teacher positions. I guess maybe I am anxious bc of that. I am really tense. I should shower, but I don’t want to, it’ll prolly make me feel better. Shower, Sudoku, Seinfeld and Story. Heh. A lot of alliteration. I could’ve said book, but I kept with the flow. See that? Bam!

Thursday May 21, 2009 3pm
I don’t know why I am so tired all the time. I’ve been sleeping and eating and staying active. I think I am just overwhelmed with having to do stuff and going back and forth on the bus. I also don’t know why I am so agitated. I wasn’t this morning, but was after my 2nd interview. I also feel kinda down, but should be happy bc I have school and job interviews. I guess I am thinking I am not going to get anything which would suck, but dammit, I want to feel happy. Meh.
More on Idol. OK, costume designers, don’t ever put everyone in all white again, it’s unflattering to everyone. I starting laughing really loudly during the all white dress song that they had Anoop, the Indian fellow, with a HUGE cross on with his outfit. No one else had crosses or accessories really, except for Adam with the weird pant/boot thing that made it look like he had peg leg extensions bc his legs are really really skinny. The song that the Black Eyed Peas did sounded like a “Flight of the Conchords” song, like almost exactly, Boom, boom, with the boom boom here and the boom boom there. I like Cyndi Lauper and whatever instrument she was playing but I didn’t think Alison sounded great at first, but it got better. And how old is KISS? And how long can they continue to do the same stage antics? At least there were Pyrotechnics. Adam, please don’t get caught in barbed wire the next time you’re about to perform. I don’t know why Kara(I think) Gioguardi would be embarrassed to wear a bikini, she has a fine body as opposed to the gross fake bikini girl that they completely enabled and I am sure she loves it. I want to know how tall Ryan Seacreast is, Joel McHale, the host of the Soup always makes fun of how small he is, I can’t tell. I really like Jamie Foxx, he keeps coming into my mind. And, I wish the camera people could just keep one view instead of like switching cameras every 3 seconds. That’s my recap. I am really excited for So You Think You Can Dance tonight. I love dance. I’ve been dancing around my house. I want to do more.
The first interview was good, she remembered me once she saw me and I had a working interview for the Toddler room right then. I will email a thank you. The child that they said was afraid of new people loved me, as did all the other kids, I love kids. It’s $10/hr and to start June1st, possibly before for some extra help training. I want it. The second interview was OK. I don’t mean anything by this, but I felt like I was in the “wrong” neighborhood. All the stores had bars on the windows and the center did have a play area but was right on a main road: Martin Luther King, Jr. Blvd, the whole thing on the signs and believe or not the cross street was Rosa Parks Way. I felt a little out of my element, but oh well. She asked a lot of questions, I was honest, she said she was concerned with my past history which I understand but I told her of the extenuating circumstances. I told her about how I didn’t feel supported at the one place last summer and she said that may very well happen here too and kind of prepped me for the worst. They’re hiring 12 teachers, I don’t think they are looking at me for lead, but assistant at $9/hr. I have a working interview next week, I said I would work with any age but I didn’t have much experience with infants, I get reallllly bored in infant rooms and it makes the day seem 10x longer than in older classes where it usually flies by. I also am really nervous around infants and have to prep myself for that bc they can read that, the babies I mean. Tomorrow I have an interview at the Montessori school for infant guide, which I have to look up today, I passed it on the bus on the way to the 2nd interview, it was before we got to “um, am I going to the right neighborhood and place here?” and looks really, really nice. I am stoked that I know where it is. Another place called me to set up an interview to be a sub, but I didn’t call back bc I have to do school work and get to the Internet. I am tired and sore. It’s frustrating. Oh, there is also a pollen storm outside from the stupid cotton wood trees, I can’t handle it. OK, I can handle it, but I don’t like it one bit. Last year they supposedly cut the trees so that we wouldn’t have a 2inch thick layer of pollen on our walkway, but they didn’t do it correctly, they just cut branches off without treating the area so it wouldn’t grow back, so surprise, surprise, they are all growing back, and are actually leaning worse than before. The trials and tribulations of life right here folks.