last copied long post

present: I'm back, baby! I have free wireless at the 24hour safeway and it's great. I also can get a good connection if i walk to the end of my block by the fake store. i say that bc it never seems to open. people thought it was funny i was walking around trying to get a signal. they took pictures of me, i bet i will be on some youngsters myspace or facebook. I just need to get more comfortable with the keyboard but am doing really well besides the shift keys being in a different spot. also, i am apparently inept at using a touchpad instead of a mouse so i might get a mouse bc i keep picking up stuff and moving it around and it's ungood. i should take this opp to do some work so my group doesn't hate me. meh

Friday May 22, 2009 7:30pm

Am I doing something wrong? I mean seriously, I get fucked over so much and I don’t understand why. My books were delivered yesterday (Thursday) at 12:13pm to 4016 Boise St. OK, well, I can understand the reversal of 4016 with the correct 4061, but to deliver to Boise St. when I live on Gladstone St., I can’t grasp at all. So I had to charge $1.99 to my verizon account and get mobile web on my phone bc my time on the Internet ran out at the library and then call UPS and waste my very limited minutes while spending 10 minutes explaining it to someone, on hold for 10 minutes and then tell the same information to another person for 10 minutes. They tried to call the number associated with 4016 Boise but it’s disconnected. They tried to call the company it was sent from (which I already did) and they’re closed. So now they are doing some relocation thing which sounds like they can do it right away but doesn’t seem like it’s going to do anything. And they are going to do a driver investigation but they can’t do it until Tuesday. Awesome, my paper is due on Monday, actually Sunday bc the library isn’t open and I am more than broke so I can’t go to a coffee shop and I NEED these books. And I am trying not to think about financial aid, but I keep trying to figure it out and I know I’m not going to know until next week. I am going to fill out a 2009-2010 FAFSA even though they said not to bc it can’t hurt anything. I want a job really, really bad. Seriously, I just want things to go my way for once and I don’t ask for much, I don’t want or need material possessions, I just want to get a job to pay for essentials and take classes to further my career. I am speechless.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009 2pm
Uh, I can’t seem to get started on anything. I am trying to do my school work but I am just staring at it. One main issue is that the discussion questions ask about “in your workplace” bc it’s assumed that people are working. I would like to be working. I was able to do fine using past experiences last week but this week is more specific. Usually once I get typing, I get it done. My paper that I couldn’t seem to start ended up being 150words over so I had to edit. I made 2 grammatical mistakes, omission of a word: “to be a successful [student] one must…” and “they have the choose” X=choice. But otherwise I think it’s pretty good.
I don’t know about transferring credits bc I haven’t spoken with my academic advisor, apparently, I have a huge advisement team. I haven’t signed up for Disability Services, but I am going to, more on my team. I found out that I can only waive 6 credits, so once I have Internet I will research that and find out what classes I can waive, I am sure there are two 3credit classes I can pass out of, save time and money!-that’s how they advertise it. And I finally heard from my financial aid advisor who was sweeter than candy, I just wish one of the times I called or e-mailed she said, we’re working on it bc I felt like I wasn’t contacting the right people or something. Anyway, I should get $2500 like now and then (the e-mail was ridiculously long and had a lot of numerical data some of which pertains, but more info is better than less) every 12 credits get like $3300. I want to figure out the time frame and what the hell is the no credit crap. That first class was for no credits and now I have some intro to Teacher Ed. coming up for no credits, um, do I not have to pay for it? bc if not then I am okay, but if I am paying for stuff, I want some credits, we do get completion or passes for it. Ugh, I feel overwhelmed.
Rewind to the wkend. I went out on Friday to the show even tho my friend couldn’t come. It was *awesome*, we danced and illed, good times. Then when I got home, my loud neighbors were up so I went over there to bum a cigarette. Then I went to another party, I had my purse that connects to my i-pod and was playing with that and I was getting along really well with this fellow and he saw my anti-anxiety meds, he asked and I just said what they were instead of making something up. Indication of coolness bc he was cool. It was like 4or5am and it was about time for another dose, but I am not supposed to do that bc it can increase tolerance, so I didn’t. Then we were outside kissing on the porch couch and I started having an anxiety attack, I was shaking ridiculously and starting to feel really sick. And then I puked. Nothing hotter than that. I said, “and now you’ve seen what it looks like when I have an anxiety attack” and he was really cool, he was like, aww, it’s okay, it happens. We stayed outside for a bit more. We went inside bc he didn’t want me to walk home and offered a bed and stuff, but we ended up staying together. He said jokingly that he had a no clothes rule in his bed and I said “no” he said “why” and I said “because” (I am too weak to resist) and he took off his shirt and said look at my big gut and starting joking around. Then he said, it’s natural, it’s beautiful. We started kissing again and he started taking off my shirt and he flat out said “We don’t have to have sex”. Well, we were both naked in his bed fooling around and then we had sex. “Unprotected sex with the one you just met, you a’int even got all your hep shots yet” (atmosphere) dammit. After a little bit, I left and caught the early morning bus home. I had gotten his number earlier so I texted that day to say hi and he wrote back “you disappeared” and I said I can do that sometimes. We txted back and forth yesterday, I said I hoped we didn’t ruin a potential friendship bc of our urges. And he said we’re cool and friends are good. And he said, I know I can be horribly seductive sometimes and I could picture him saying it. I like him, I just hope we can hang out and be friends or that maybe a relationship will grow, although I am not counting on that. I even kept trying to say to myself, “don’t rush this, you don’t want to ruin something that could be really good.” Done, fun. Instead of the morning after pill, I doubled up on pills for a week and am now back to normal on pills and can’t wait to get my period. I don’t mean anything by this, but it might sound awful, I don’t think my body could support a baby now anyway, I was only off the pill for a month, I smoke, I drink, I am on many meds that mess with that area which is good for now bc I don’t want a baby right now. But I do want kids and I’ve already started thinking about how I will have to be in a really stable place and take safe meds or not take them if they’re not safe. Another thing that is good for women in other countries (since the US is the most advanced and behind country at the same time) is tinctures (liquid medicine) or food made with ganja oil. The studies showed no significant differences in pregnancy or birth and after a 7year follow up there was a reported case of ADHD in one of the non-placebo babies, but that could’ve happened whether or not ingesting cannabis.
I’ve been practicing trumpet. I am ungood. I also feel terrible for my neighbors bc when learning and practicing brass instruments to build your chops you start a note as soft as you can and then with the same breath taking a long time play it as long and steady as possibly increasing the sound to as loud as you can and then decreasing the sound back to where you started. Long tones. That and the Bflat scale in 2 octaves, but I think I can play way low as opposed to way high. I don’t even understand how the notes would be written bc I am already above the treble staff, is there a soprano staff I know nothing of? I want to volunteer at Ethos more and get lessons. I got an email, so I will check the dates.
I didn’t get home until like 9am on Saturday and slept until like 3 and then watched baseball, the comeback kings, the Yankees, piss you off the entire game and then win in the bottom of the 9th, keeps it exciting, I suppose. Sunday I went to L*s from school and me and her and her boyfriend ate and smoked a hookah with this really cool tobacco gel stuff, I’d never seen it before, it smelled and tasted good and played “Little Big Planet”, I needs to get me more games. They have PS3 and I am still on PS2 but it’s not a priority. They said “damn you got some video game skills”, word. I hope to see her tomorrow at Last Thursday as long as I go and next Wed. is her recital so I will go fer sure, even though I don’t want to ever step foot on that campus again, I will.
I have a bad headache. And body ache. Meh. I have a vikadin which will be my treat after I get my school work done and in. I still need clarification as to whether or not our PPPs are done as a group. That would be really annoying and I don’t even really understand how we would do that bc each slide would be different unless we have to like communicate the commonalities, annoying. I will log in and see. At least we decided not to do a “charter” like the other groups. We have to list 2 issues with working with groups, 1) I don’t like it, 2) Uh, I still don’t like it.
I think I am going to get my desktop looked at bc it’s still doing that weird thing and I am not connected to the Internet and it happens with all monitors, well the 2 I’ve tried. We’ll see. Off to school work…………

7:23 p.m.
Here’s why group work sucks: people can be bitches and/or assholes. One person said, “well, I don’t have time for all this diplomatic stuff of assigning stuff and I already did my slides.” OK, well, you emailed it (the first email I got at my school account) not posted it to the forum, which is the whole g-damn point of having forums so the information is in one place. Grr. Also, when you say things like “well since no one responded to me”, people won’t take kindly to it, we’re all in different places and situations and time zones. One person responded being nice about delegating tasks. Everyone else ignored the bitchy post. I wrote a post with quotes from the syllabus and got affirmation that I was right on. I also ended my post with “We’re all in this together!” (and we love to take a bath!) Even though I have no time, I was able to do my learning style assessment, post it to the forum even though the formatting is garbage and I hastily answered the 2 issues working as a team so this girl wouldn’t bitch bitch bitch. Always has to be someone. And btw, your slides suck, please keep your name in bold letters on the bottom so everyone can see you made it. Annoying.
I feel like I am wasting more time. I am going to go forward, I have no choice. I have learned that being smart gets you no where unless you can go through the hoops. I seriously doubt that typing in ten topics into the different databases and citing them properly is going to help me in being a teacher. This week is on how to research using databases. Um, didn’t people do this in high school and/or college? You’re in a graduate program here, folks. It annoys me, but I just have to deal. Meh.
I didn’t get the job I really wanted. I did get a really nice email from the director saying she really liked me and the teachers did too, but they chose someone with more Todd experience and they want to keep my info on file. I am going to email her and say thanks and keep me in mind for subbing and part time also. I am not stoked about my working interview tomorrow, I have a hard time saying I will work there for a year at $9/hour bc I feel I am worth more than that and I will keep looking for something better, but a job is a job. I also have to amp up my job searches again, I do this, whenever I get interviews or something I really want, I slack on searching more, but I will do that tomorrow in my stupid dumb hour at the library. And when my hour ended at 6:34, and the library doesn’t close until 8pm, computer#16 along with many others were available for immediate use up to your time limit, ok, I get it, there might be people waiting, but there weren’t and I really really need to be online.

Thursday, May 28, 2009 8am
I didn’t sleep at all. I am getting ready for a working interview for a $9/hr shitty job. I am also watching the Sopranos and I have to say that it’s a sick world we live in that “stars” make so much more than us regular folk. Namely James Gandolfini demanding an increase in salary while hundreds of people were out of work due to his arrogance. And he’s laying in a fucking coma. They could shoot it one time and edit it in. BS.

12:10pm
So I just got back from the interview. It was good. I like kids. I want sleep. They delivered my books. They tried to deliver my computer but I had to sign for it. So I should get it tomorrow. I am going to do school work and then rest.

Friday May 29, 2009, 11:55am
I am waiting for my netbook. The fed-ex delivery was here before noon yesterday and I signed the thing, so I assumed the same for today, but whatever. I had to check my email so I got web on my phone again which is annoying but works. I am going to do my school work and then maybe head to the library to hand it in. My friend from group invited 2 of us over, so I am going to leave at like 1:30 for that. I am bringing food. I am meeting up with L* to go to a concert at MH. If I have to leave by bus, I have to leave my friends before 6 which means I won’t have much time to ill, but hopefully fish will have a car and be willing to drive me bc it’s on the way back to town um, but I don’t know where she lives so it might not be on the way. I’ll figure it out. Off to work and shower.