continuing bad choices and patterns =(
work asked me to come in at 930 which i totally planned to do. it was like i was frozen this morning. i had literally no energy to get out of bed. physically i did, but emotionally not so much. my alarms went off and i ignored them battling in my own mind whether i should stay in bed or go out and face the scary world. at about 830 when i would have to be leaving to get the bus and was not showered yet i txted work. i fell back asleep. i just wrote an extensive e-mail. blargh.
one group member thinks i need a med change, one agreed. but karapist and a% think i need to change my behavior. i might agree with both. i know i need to change avoidant and isolating behavior. but i also know i need to see psych. i do feel like i ruin everything bc of overwhelming emotions that i can't control. i always start off jobs feeling okay and then feel completely insane when an incident happens bc i don't have a handle my emotions, still. sigh. another group member suggested AA meetings, meditation and prayer. so far hasn't been preachy but this time was. karapist even said that meditation can be counter-productive for some with anxiety issues. i said i was more science than faith and a% noted that maybe some type of daily practice would help me. i was sitting here staring for a while and i thought maybe i would go for a daily walk and thank science for trees or something. then i looked at water and said thanks to science for bonding two hydrogens to one oxygen to make water. lol.
i put christmas stuff out. one strand of lights. stocking. tiny silver tree with four ornaments and soon to top it, a glitter covered wooden star that i am making presently. i need to clean and move stuff around. boo-yah.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
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3 comments:
I can relate to what you're going through.
At work the manager L told the owner T that he noticed that the plug connecting the security camera above the cash point was unplugged. And it has been three times recently.
And even though I would NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER steal from anyone for any reason... I still know that they suspect me.
And I have considered quitting my job just because I'm so offended. Like, I feel uncomfortable and weird there...
that's it! i feel uncomfortable going there bc of my absences. even previous to this i was out bc of sickness and took the right actions but now i just feel weird i guess.
i still don't know what made me not go on monday, i have literally been way tired in the morning that getting up and doing stuff hasn't seemed like a viable option.
advice for you: you know you didn't steal or unplug the camera knowingly (like maybe you bumped it but whatever) so just project that, i know it's a horrible feeling but. wait, wouldn't they have tape of who turned it off? anyway. just be confident bc the truth is you didn't do anything wrong. rock!
Oh Totally!!!!!!
It's actually really dumb. I feel offended that anyone would ever even suspect me of something like that. This is, of course, ridiculous because these people have known me for all of a month. I could be anyone to them. It's not even that big of a deal. It just bothered me.
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