the big date

this is one of the pix i took today. i met rb by the umbrella man statue, as i was walking over i was talking to myself, i reminded myself to not do that ;) we walked around, a lot but at no time did i feel bored. he was taking pix right away and it was inspiring. i finally took some when told not to care. we got along really well, but like buddies already which i think is a bad thing for relationship wish.

we went to a pub and happy for happy hour after my ridiculous amount of winter gear was off i felt better. i got hummus and pita and a raspberry ale, one of my favorites, he had a cheeseburger, cajun tots (shared) and an oatmeal stout. and i caught him looking me up and down. he told me i was cute and asked if he could kiss me. of course i said 'where, here?' and we laughed. we went back to his place which is *ridiculously* nice. we kissed on the couch. then we were in his bed for 2 1/2 hours. he asked before anything and it was really good. apparently i have soft skin.

here is what i fear. guys don't want to be my boyfriend. they want to fuck me. this has always happened and i don't know if it's me or what. i don't think me and rb are destined for love and i also don't think we'll never talk again but i am speaking generally. i have tried the waiting thing and that feels more unnatural to me than to have sex. and i don't give it up to just anyone. where is this going? ok. i don't know what to do if anything but be myself which is what i do to hook a guy so to speak. or maybe, just maybe i am overthinking, lol. i'll just sort it out in my head some more, gah.

i'm going to drink cocoa and smoke whilst watching 'it's always sunny...'