i've had a weird week.
tuesday i was feeling really tired and congested and it was snowing and PSU was canceled so I was kind of banking on school being canceled, but it wasn't and i hadn't done my work which i was going to have to fake anyway, then i got depressed and didn't go :(
wednesday i got my new phone which is awesome! and netflix which is also awesome! i still didn't feel great but love 30 Rock and my phone. when i was coughing a lot, i got that pain in my side again. i know it's muscle-skeletal and not an organ thing bc it's palpable and i talked to my mom, RN. i am doing the same treatment, ace-wrap, advil, heating pad, etc. and if it does't feel better in like 2 weeks i will go back to the DR.
thursday i was excited for math. but then i was trying to get an outfit and i couldn't find anything that fit right. then i got really depressed. and i didn't go :( more so than tuesday and i realized that what i was going to wear was something i had anxiety about then, too.
i have gained too much weight. i can't seem to get control of my eating habits and exercising regularly. thing is i am looking for things to fill time with and have a routine, and that would do both. i only have a few outfits i am okay wearing. and i prolly don't do laundry often enough. and i've been wearing big sweaters and sweating instead of taking it off and baring my huge gut. i have no jeans. the last few pairs either don't fit at all or they do but have holes where the thighs have rubbed together and patches there are hard to do and really not flattering.
friday i looked for something to do, nada.
saturday i went to m&a in the day and stayed for a bit. we chatted it up. m is going to cambodia and vietnam for 2 months so i was glad i got to see him. then i tried to find something to do in the night and again, nothing.
today i did 3 loads of laundry. and had a nice nap. and finally finished "watching" the dark knight for the 3rd time. i tried. not my thing. it's free with my netflix trial that i most likely am going to keep. i like it.
i have school work to do and am really anxious about getting a field placement bc i have stuff to do for classes revolving around it in language and reading (2 classes). i also am bummed that i missed math bc we went over lesson planning objectives, so hopefully i can talk to someone or get someone's notes. i feel lame. it's okay, i'm rocking it the best i can.
tomorrow - karapist at noon and then just an unfinished exercise from class last week which should be fun bc it's about sounding things out and reading, oh the reading. really an observation is due, but this teacher is the same as my FE coordinator, so i can't really fake it. she even told me not to worry about it until later. word.
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2 comments:
Hey friend,
First, it is okay.
1.) Do you have the money to go out and buy a new pair of jeans?
2.) Your weight seems peculiar to me, because I read your foodie site and you don't seem to eat a lot, never mind be taking in so many calories that you would be gaining. Also you are forced into activity by having to walk to the bus and around campus. It doesn't make any sense. I remember that you had your thyroid checked. Do any of your regular medications promote weight gain or make you weight loss resistant?
Take one thing from school at a time. Think, what is my next class? What do I need done for that. Do that work and then move immediately onto the next thing. Don't stress out. Just do the work. You will get it done and it will be fine. Even if it isn't your greatest work. Get through it. Catch up and go to class.
Going is so important. Staying home is self-sabotage. I know that you already know this. I just want to reiterate the point.
I love you so much. As always, I'm routing for you and thinking of you.
thanks :)
i have a target gift card that i want to get jeans on, but i don't want to go shopping and not fit into anything or be unhappy with the way it does fit.
and yes, it's a mystery. i actually don't even have that much of an appetite. it's a goal of mine to get back to eating a few small, normal food meals a day. and yes, i walk a lot even just to the bus stops and class and back. i stopped taking the thyroid supplement. none have weight gain as a side effect and actually the balta has weight loss as one. it's all in my gut where they show you gain and retain stress weight. fun.
yeah, i'm in grad school i shouldn't be like, class might be canceled i don't have to do my reader profile. duh. and they didn't even collect them, so i would've been better going and learning something instead of having a pity party here. just go.
thanks mama, love you!
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