well, i finally had the slip of the tongue i never wanted to come out of my head today on the phone with my mom about money. there were few things that stick out: "what am i supposed to do, just go homeless and not have a phone and you not be able to get in touch with me?" - and then something i was like "you can't just help me?" - which she said she's helped me a lot. she has. i reinforced that. "what is this supposed to be some lesson or something?" --"no, i know you've been through a lot". "Well, this is real life, not Austin's stupid wedding that everyone is spending so much money one". shit. i said it. i apologized then. through txt. a call from work. profusely at home. sure i am in some deep doo-doo, but i know that was uncalled for. i feel awful, but am just moving on. i am getting $300 dollars, which if i spend no more money until i go to miami, i'll have $32 to spend there (which isn't enough for Bach. party and dinner) and nothing to pay my other bills with but hopefully my 2 partial paychecks for just starting and then being in miami will be enough for july rent. and then july 5th and 20th i will have a normal paycheck ($700 each taxes out and averaging low). and hopefully be somewhat stable. my mom was trying to give me options to move which costs tons of money and get a PT job, and i explained that it's just an immediate need and it'll smooth out starting july on. blah blah freaking blah BLECH
i am 1/2 late for SYTYCD but i didn't get home til like after 7. riding my bike to work would be a breeze bc it's downhill, after work, all up huge hills, i don't even know if i could do it. glad, i checked, i am 8-5 tomorrow. bad bc i have to leave my house by 7:05, good bc as soon as i get going it's fine and then i get home earlier. i really like my job. no more energy. food. sleep. etc.
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3 comments:
Okay... I'm going to toss something out there. I know it's not the greatest option and I know it would suck, but I'm going to go ahead and put it on the table:
Is it possible for you to gracefully step out of your brother's wedding in a i-support-you-and-am-so-honored-to-be
included-but-at-this-time-I-am-not-able
to-be-in-a-bridal-party-for-reasons-
that-were-unforseeable-several-months-ago
sort of way?
Let's face it, being in a bridal party is EXPENSIVE.
Traveling is also expensive.
Girl, you've got to make sure that you have a place to live, food to eat and clean clothes to wear to work.
I know that backing out would certainly cause some sort of ruckus among your family... but wouldn't it feel good to do away with the stress of this financial burden?
I hope that this doesn't come across as being horrible. I don't mean to be horrible.
you need to focus on the positive right now! everyone says PLENTY of stuff they dont mean when they stress out, and you have a lot to be stressed about. i'm sure your mom understands that! no one will take that personally.
your job sounds 10000000% aweseome! and you need to just do whatever it takes to make sure that it stays that way and that you continue to love it, and if that means shutting off some other outside pressures that you should do it. once you settle it working everything else will fall into place.
dont let this wedding stress derail you. im sure your fam will help you out when you get there and maybe you should step out of the bachelorette party at least. EVERYONE would understand.
thanks ladies! my mom and i are cool. i talked to her friday or yesterday about the dress and there was no negativity there or with the convo at all.
i thought about backing out a few times. i never did. now the wedding is in 6 days and i've already paid for everything (except the bach. party and dinner, read on) so i can't really back out now. plus to my family this is the "priority" right now. when i talked to my mom a while back and i had no job and hadn't gotten the dress altered, 'you need to have priorities and right now it's the wedding' - i don't know what it is, but it's taken over everyone's mind! i can't get into school until i do fingerprints and i don't have $100 to do them, but the wedding is the priority.
for the bach. party and dinner i only have $39.72 in my bank account. so i am going to write an email to all the girls that I can pay $30 towards the group dinner - all the girls and boys bc what i will eat is $13 and then the rest for tip and A&D's food. and that i can cover the wine and cheese by check (what they wanted) but i will have to post date it until i get back bc i get paid after i'm away and don't have direct deposit. or i can't come. i hope no one offers to pay for me. freaking pitiful me.
anyway, yeah, positivity! love! :-P
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