as with the others, it looks better in person, the bird (oragami folding by L - i need a good blog nickname for her) is sparkly red and the whole thing shimmers.
i went to psych today and she said i seemed to be doing really well. that's the first time i've heard her say that. i got a little teary and i told her that i am feeling better and people have been noticing and it feels really good to hear, especially from her. also, i realized how much she and karapist trust me. they leave me alone in their office (they share bc psych is only there t/th afternoon when karapist does outreach) and there is confidential stuff and not to mention a huge medicine cabinet filled to the brim with every type of mental health med you could think of (expect benzodiazepines (valium, xanax, klonipin, ativan, etc.) bc 1) you can get messed up from them and 2) they have a street value so they're against clinic policy just like painkillers in the medical clinic) so yeah, that's cool they trust me is my point i guess.
i might make cards for my fam. but i might watch some simpsons and sleep. i'm going to school tomorrow to have a meeting and apply for work study jobs bc i got my tutor schedule in the mail and i have 3 hours every other week. meh.
2 comments:
Hey, when is that mom's grant (or whatever it's called) coming through for you?
I think three hours every other week sounds great. How long is your winter break? When will you get your grades? Do you have any ideas what they'll be like?
I love that ornament.
And I love the fact that you are feeling better. What do you think is the most helpful to your emotional/mental health?
hey! i'm waiting until i can use a phone to get my mom's SS#. she didn't want to send it through email which i totally understand. it's kind of silly that to get paper copies you have to enter all that info online, but oh well, i'll take care of it if i can use one of my friends phones the next coupla days or when i am at my dads.
i have until jan 5th off! yeah, that few hours is good, i won't get burnt out on it. and i am going to look for a work study job at school the days i am there. they are posted on line but you have to apply in person and campus has been closed bc of the weather :(
as for grades, I got an Incomplete in a 1-credit class from a teacher that teaches at 4 different universities. i explained that i needed the grade in ASAP bc if it's not in before the start of the quarter my financial aid will be on hold and that was a major issue for me this term. i wrote her last tuesday. i will write again beginning of this week and next week to cover my bases.
i didn't realize this and if i had, i may not have done as much work as i did, but oh well...Field Experience was P/NP only, i passed.
in my 3credit class i got an A, i actually ended up with 102/100 for the course even with my absences bc she loved my writing so much that she gave me higher than the top score on a coupla things. this is the most heavily weighted in GPA bc of the amount of credits.
in the waste of time busy work class that i hardly went to i got a 'C', it's the first time i ever got a C on a final report, but i plan to speak with her and do extra work to move my grade up bc that is part of my accommodations to do extra work to make up for absences, especially with this term.
and i got a 'C+' in socio-polictal issues. apparently i misunderstood "reading report" and that was the biggest thing for our grade. it was based on a 1-4 scale and I got a 2 which is a C or C-. about the paper, he said that he didn't want a book report bc he already read the book. i think it's more than just a book report, but whatever. i already started to re-vamp it according to his notes and i am confident that he will move my grade up if i do this and maybe some extra work.
he also sent note in the mail about the meeting we still haven't had, he said he wants to help me structure a plan for success and i appreciate it, but i kind of want to be left alone, but whatever. he also said he wasn't minimizing my challenges this term which i do appreciate knowing. i am probably going to have to actually use the writing center which could be useful since i haven't had one test and it seems like everything in the future will be writing based, too. i am much better at test-taking than writing, although my writing is decent. it was suggested this term, but i didn't go, but you get one person you work with and they help you set up a schedule for rough drafts and help re-work them with you. eh, we'll see what happens.
thanks! i had so much fun making the ornaments. today we were supposed to have craft-a-thon, but it's like a blizzard, for real.
i have come to the conclusion that i will most likely always need medication bc of the severity of my issues or i will succumb to tons of drugs or crying in the corner digging my nails into my skin until i bleed. medication doesn't fix everything, it helps me cope. jim carrey who has a history of depression recently spoke about people taking prozac long term and then just feeling like everything is OK and if that's the case i agree they prolly don't need long term medication. going to therapy every week is really good for me. even when i don't want to go, i feel good afterward. also, seeing psych more regularly has been helpful, just more on the support team. school, despite all the crapiness i dealt with has been huge for me. i find that when talking to friends or family, i get really excited talking about school. also, talking to and being honest with my family regularly instead of not talking to them when things are bad has been helpful. and getting out of my house and having friends is super important. i love my new friend from school L*, we both agree it was meant to be that we sat next to each other ;) i've reconnected with old friends, too (bry-guy, krs10 and that crew). i get so caught up with my shit that i avoid friends and then feel like i ruined the relationship, but whenever they see me and i see them there is mutual excitement. i talked to tay and she said that a lot of times my name comes up and everyone has such positive things to say about me and that they miss me. also, feeling better about myself, although i still cry and say "i hate myself" - bad nikkol, bad, i like myself more and am trying really hard at that. my frustration level is way down and often i catch myself before it escalates too much, like last night i was finishing a necklace for little K and as i was about to get the clasp on, it slipped and a whole row of beads fell off, i got mad, but then, i talked myself out of it by saying, 'it's ok, you'll get it', realizing that it's not that big of a deal. um, so i guess a big combination of all that stuff.
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