not cool.

ok, so as i mentioned, i hurt my upper right side somehow, i realize that the pain i am feeling is most likely a strained "serratus anterior" muscle. it hurts so bad bc it's right up there with the ribs and cartilige causes pressure on them and more pain.

i was walking to class on thursday and i was wincing in pain. i got to my transfer stop and my bus didn't come. buses kept coming up, none that i needed. 2 of the bus that could take me home already came. so as i was almost in tears i said, if the next bus is #35 i go to school, if it's #17, i go home. a THIRD #17 arrived before one #35 which means i was out in the wind and cold for at least a half hour so i went home. i had a group presentation and txted my group that i wouldn't be there and then turned my phone off. i was crying by the time i got home. i layed and did heat and slept. i got up friday morning supposed to go to the 4th graders and i was in such intense pain that i emailed and didn't go. i went on the computer for like 1/2 hour max, and for the rest of the day rested, layed, stretched, and used a heating pad. i decided that friday would be a day of rest and relaxation and then i would do stuff on saturday even if it hurt.

i got up today, still in pain but excited to do stuff. i started researching the schools that the writer of the memoir i am writing a report on helped create. then i checked my email. i have 2 from thursday afternoon/evening, one from my director and one from my cooperating teacher. my director simply says "we must talk, get in touch as soon as you can". this freaks me the fuck out. i read the one from my cooperating teacher and it says "truhl (director) wants to meet with you before you come back to the school" super neat. of course i didn't read this before i sent a cryptic message to her on friday morning how i was in pain. so i called truhl at home bc i can't sit here and worry worry worry. i literally did not check my email on thursday or friday so this was the first i saw it. my cooperating teacher is cool and all, but she gossips, i know this because she has done it with me there. she also micro-manages which i can't stand, yes, there have been some bumps in the road so far, but i am a graduate student who doesn't know if the day we planned is going to get an interview in it's place, so i need flexibility. all she needs to do is allow me in the classroom. i feel bad when we are trying to make a schedule and it's up in the air, but no, i don't know what day or time i am getting back from my dad's or how long the interview at 9am is going to last.

then, we had a group presentation. we were supposed to get together tuesday to meet, but i was not on campus and didn't feel like sitting on the bus for 3 hours for maybe an hour of brainstorming, and k is 45 minute drive away and after 11 l has no classes . i canceled. l got the message. k did not. so he was looking for us on campus which i feel awful about. it was a 5 minute current events news rooom presentation. i wrote the whole script out. i did this bc i wanted to bc i have experience with news scripting. after i was in such pain, i wrote a hasty message to l and k saying i had a migraine and wouldn't be there. apparently l didn't go to class either and k had to do the presentation alone instead of us doing it together next week. first, this assignment was on our syllabus from the beginning and more than halfway through, she says, oops we haven't been doing these. since it's worth like 5 points and we're already bogged down with work, i would've just dropped it, but no, she added it back on, so yesterday we had due: group presentation, journal, 2 observations and final research paper. and we have other classes. i felt awful for k having to do the work and for letting him down. problem: assigning group presentations to a class of graduate students who have vastly different schedules.

then i talked to my mom. i've been wanting to talk to her for quite some time about the parent plus loan. after we planned time, she was sick, then i was away at dad's and now we talked a bit. i called her and left me a message, she called me back from the car where she was yelling things at other cars. i was at that time trying to explain my mysterious injury. so i asked her if she wanted to talk a different time, she said no. she said were you calling to tell me about your sprain? and i said no, she said, 'well i guess you need money then'. i said yes, but i am eligible for a $6500 parent plus loan. i was crying and trying to stay calm. and she said, 'is this a one time thing?, that won't last long'. and i said that it was not meant to be my income, but rather a way of getting on my feet and not having to worry so much and focusing more on better work. then she said, 'you have to have a job' and i told her about the tutoring interview i have on monday. then she said, 'what about nannying', i said, 'they wanted me to have a car, i thought you knew that', so she says, 'so you have no job', i said no and tried to spew some facts about this being the highest layoff year in 34 years. she said, 'can we talk tomorrow'. neat. i stated that i felt it would be better to get this small loan that has no money due until september 2010 instead of continuing to get money from you and dad bc i know you all work hard.

so here i am, 2.5 hours after i got up. and all i've spent it doing is worrying about school, money and a job. story of my life. i had planned to do mass school work but since my mind takes over, now i've created a scenario where i am not allowed back in the program. but i guess i should just do what i planned to do.