persuasion

i talked to my bro yesterday to tell him what was going on but he had a rehearsal so we couldn't talk. he called me back and we just talked for an hour.

i don't want to take a leave of absence. i feel that my advisor doesn't want me there so therefore he bullied me into the decision. he never said what i would be doing - he did give options, there were lots of pauses and silences and then i finally said "i think at this point i'll take a leave of absence". i don't really feel like he's been there 100% for me. when i couldn't go to the first field experience bc it's not accessible by bus he in a snap placed me in another school which didn't work out. i was a rich, 98% white school that i obviously did not fit in at, with 4th graders, an age group higher than listed on my application and resume and goes for Elementary certification (4-8) not Early Childhood Ed. (PreK-3) like I want.

i don't know if it's too late now, though. I requested a meeting with the Director of student services so she can help me do things without messing my stuff up, I think I will tell her that I don't want to leave. I read her email to me after the meeting with my advisor and it said "let me know if i can help you or if you need any further accommodations" - i see her as someone that wants me to succeed despite my downfalls.

last term i attended less classes, didn't communicate with my profs or peers and when it was the last week of class, i was e-mailing all my work in at the last minute just to get grades. and i got grades in all my classes with a GPA of 3.0. I told my advisor that it was a bad precedent, but the precedent was set based on what occurred in the first term and at that point i hadn't even fully set up disability stuff and it was after the fact in almost all cases.

now this term i actually have accommodations to help me with absences and extra time for work and doing oral work in written form and i'm being told that i haven't attended enough classes to get a grade. gee, no one has attendance listed on the syllabus. and participation is only listed as 10points in our classes. and i've handed or e-mailed everything on time with A grades. The lesson plan that we had to turn into "taskstream", the on-line assessment tool, is listed at the level of a "Basic Teacher" - not "Discovering", not "Emerging", and also not "Proficient" yet. I know being there is important, but seriously, education classes are so repetitive, boring and easy to me. i don't know if they "dumb-down" education classes bc some of my undergrad Communication classes weren't easy, I was challenged and had to work. Or if it's bc I've taken ECE classes with a professional certificate and a minor in Education with my undergrad. i have not once felt challenged in class or with my work; I bet I would feel challenged presenting a lesson i wrote to a class of 28 2nd graders. big sigh.

My passion is working with children. Many people notice how natural I am around children. My brother just said that when he sees me around k, our niece, he thinks i am really "myself", he sees me interact with children in a fun and guiding manner really getting into the thinking and absurdities of their growing minds.