spring has sprung

ok, let me get it out of the way. my allergies are kicking my ass. it's that time again. i have really bad indoor and outdoor allergies. from like Nov to late Feb/March, I take only generic zyrtec everyday to keep them under control. it's generally ok, i still have symptoms sometimes and on rare occasions i need some sudafed, but that's it. come March and if i don't have a nasal inhaler (Nasonex, Flonase, etc.) i am miserable, i take sudafed and it doesn't help but kinda makes me feel a little weird, then it gets worse and i take benedryl and then i am just a lost cause, i either am way messed up but not feeling the allergies or i fall asleep but then wake up and start to have symptoms again, agh! i yearn for the day to get my allergy shots. i think within the next 3-5 years i will be able to, it requires insurance and lots of co-pays because at first you have to go several times a week. excited? i am.

yesterday i went to the farm and had dinner and after participated in an equinox ritual, starting at like 8pm, dark. it wasn't really my thing, but i appreciate what everyone has to offer and they are truly sincere and believe in what they're doing. it felt good to participate even though i had no idea what was going on really. first we lit candles and a 4 year old was like "i don't want the wax to melt on the earth" and got really concerned about it. i enjoyed watching her try to pick up wax and also shield the candles from the wind. um, then what, people said stuff and yelled stuff and i stood around and said "feeling really alive". then we talked to each direction, N, S, E, W, I again just turned the direction and looked that the sky and trees. then we were sent alone, in the dark, in the woods to have silent alone time and also get evergreen branches to cleanse each other with. um, ok, might as well join 'em.

my thoughts are hilarious. i am not going to hash them all out, but i seriously have full on conversations with myself. i also spoke a loud to no one at least once and then laughed bc i was like, ok, if there are no people around, i will talk to no one. then i danced some fresh hip-hop moves. and then i got really anxious because i was confused which tree evergreen was, when i knew it all along, but everyone had cedar and STone and i had evergreen, i put mine down, she used hers anyway. oh, in the part where we all stood in a circle and turned to each other and brushed each other with the branches. since i had already put mine in the fire, i "passed the energy on".

then was the qi gong. we did all these dramatic poses and stories with this one woman leading. it was weird and unique and interesting. i didn't realize it was follow the leader, but then when we all got synched it was pretty cool bc we were in a circle. the leader "thanked me for practicing" bc while i wasn't doing all the stuff i was participating the best i could. and i appreciate that that is appreciated. oh, we did the same directions thing in the opposite way and had a closing thinger too. it was at least 2 hours. then we all got naked and went in a dry sauna for like 1-2 hours. i think this was prolly a once in a lifetime experience. plus the leader of the qi gong told me she loved my laugh and that "a good laugh is worth a million more".

anywho...phish is playing 12 more shows in the summer. 2 in washington at the gorge that I AM going to, they are not until august, so even though tix go on lottery now and sale next week, i will figure it out by then. i also really want to go to red rocks in colorado, mel-g will be living there then, so that would be great fun. although, i got really annoyed at her last night. i don't know why. it happens though quite a bit with groups, like she acts like she doesn't like me as much or the things i do or something, it's really weird. but i totally know she is finding herself and i know sometimes i can take advantage of her too, like i feel comfortable crying and telling her my problems, but then i can become needy. anyway. i want to see phish. bad.

i have a super bad headache today. it's over cast today so my apartment is kinda dark, so i may just watch tv or nap or something. more on that breaking news as it develops...