brace yourselves

sigh.

i've been feeling pretty blah. i'm thinking about my gramma and just hope she's at peace, the mini-strokes don't sound fun and her having conversations with dead relatives is weird. i have no other adjectives. i'm also thinking about my dad a lot. he called today while at work which i think was actually better bc it was just real matter of fact bc i wasn't really supposed to be on my phone. the scans came back, there are no tumors but malignant cells in possibly bladder, kidney, ureter and prostrate bc they can't see until they scope. so he is having i think his 4th (?) surgery on the 24th. ugh. this sucks. j-mom has other stuff going on taking care of k and i don't have time now to go up and help out and i want to bc he tries to do everything himself and needs someone to help him. he doesn't expect me to be there, but i wish i could be. if i had a car i would drive up and back over weekends. erg.

which brings me to another point. i freaking hate trimet, the public transit around here. it keeps getting more expensive and less reliable. i think what i will start to do is keep a written log in my bag that i can transfer to online bc i always think about it and then when i get home, i'm like, eh, i don't feel like doing that, but if i just wrote it down, i could do it all at once. bc they need you to put times and line #s for it to be a valid complaint. i bet they get a lot of 'you suck!' and others to the same effect. having a car would be really nice but i doubt that is anywhere in the near future as i always am just scraping by. double erg.

tomorrow is 9-11. i can't believe it's been 9years, it seems like yesterday. i was 8 blocks away until about 4:30am about 4hours before it happened, i almost stayed in the city but instead drove home, a decision which saved me from being more traumatized. on my ride to school at about 10am i used to be able to see the tower twins but that morning all i saw was black, darkness and smoke. when i got to school it was canceled but no one knew what was going on and i remember being bummed bc i loved my 11am radio production class, but then we found out what was going on. it was hard to reach people. going to work in the city was difficult both security wise and emotionally. i kind of think that i try to pretend it's not that big of a deal, when it pretty much was. anyway. triple erg. we'll go with that theme.

uh-oh, so tomorrow is mr. lif who is political, but hell, no way to change what happened may as well party with some intelligent and like minded people. word. lol.

work has been okay. i have been kinda agro. i just need to calm down. i feel really rushed at times and i do not like it. but it'll get better. i have really high expectations. tomorrow we have to do skits at school. quadruple erg. nah, it'll be fun =D