i didn't know what to do.
i had a terribly, long, annoying day. i left my house at noon to go to walk-in psych and didn't get seen til like 4something. boring, waiting. then i was with a nurse practioner and pretty much assume now i am changing to this new person that just graduated instead of long term actual psych. whatever. as long as i can still get care. i am back on sleep meds. no need to torture myself.
i went to Rx, they had 6, yes only 6 tablets of real sudafed so i got a partial on that, the ear drops were gonna be $107 so i didn't get them and they wouldn't let me fill klon bc it was too early, i was just trying combine my errands, not get extra meds. i am already monitored by trained professionals, i do not need wal*mart pharmacy techs monitoring me as well. and now that i think about it, what she said is totally not true bc i never wait until 3days before my script runs out, let's give the person who has diagnosed anxiety and is on meds for it reasons for more anxiety. yesh.
then i got home and got a reply to my email. i was let go. i can continue as a sub if i want to 'prove my dependability'. um, i fucking called out one god damned day, an hour before my shift, what the fuck did i do wrong? i have done way more irresponsible things at jobs before and not lost my job. plus here, i love it and have done everything to keep in good graces. i replied (in nicer words) that they should reconsider and if i am not given my position back i will file a wrongful termination suit, there is a legal clinic i plan to attend on thursday if i have to. i already applied for unemployment which i don't think i am eligible for because of the wacky base year crap. and i wrote to the civil rights division of the bureau of labor and industry.
i didn't know what to do. i couldn't breathe. i was thinking of hurting myself. i thought of calling to get taken to the psych ward. i thought of calling the crisis line which would prolly have had me go to psych ward. then i called sky3, she totally calmed me down and helped me. friends are good. do not avoid them. if people are not there for you when you need them most, then they should not be your friends. i love my friends and i know they love me, i just need to reach out instead of hide.
on a positive note, i made it through first 24 hours of no wheed. i am thinking of things to keep me busy. i was going to start a 'picture of the day' thing, but my camera battery died. so envision some nice nature things and maybe i'll post 2 tomorrow.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
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2 comments:
Okay, so are you SURE that this is the right time to stop smoking?
It's illegal to fire you for being sick, isn't it? That makes me so angry. Follow up with your legal clinic. Make sure that you cover all of your bases. That's TERRIBLE. I know how much you loved this job and I know that you were great at it. What in the world happened?
So, klonopin is probably just a controlled substance. The pharmacy tech was probably just following the rules and didn't think that you were trying to extra pills... If it's the kind of stuff that people sell or misuse, they have to monitor how often people get it.
Can you ask for a less expensive ear drop? That seems excessive! They must be able to give you SOMETHING that is under $107.
I am so glad that you reached out to someone. If you ever get to that point and no one is there, get yourself to a hospital.
As you know, I have shut a lot of people out of my life because they weren't there for me when I needed them the most and I saw that they weren't actually my friends at all. Quality over quantity. The people who love you will be here for you. It doesn't matter how far away you are, what they are doing or what it is that you need. You are a wonderful person and a valuable part of my life!
I know that this is incredibly hard. Even if it's tough to see a light, push through. You can make it through this. You can.
yeah, i don't know. it would be a huge challenge and if i could do it now, i could do it anytime, but um, i don't need any other challenges. maybe i could really commit to rationing. i've almost txted a few times today. but doing okay =/
i have no idea what the hell happened. i love this job and would not do anything to jeopardize it, especially since i am worried bc the expansion isn't going so great meaning $ issues. i acted horribly bc i seriously was shocked, i told her that she has a completely different image of who i am bc she thought i was being irresponsible when i thought i was just calling out. and it's totally illegal, especially bc i told her of my mental conditions prior and when i brought those up she kind of minimized them 'oh, we're not going to go there again'. everyone is one my side. karapist will write a letter, my medical doc will write a letter. i am going to wait to see if they respond and if not, go to the legal clinic next week after talking in group.
you're right, she was just doing her job and i don't need it yet and i have to go back for sudafed anyway. i asked for a cheaper ear drop from my doc but haven't heard back. i've been using hydrogen peroxide which feels weird but is supposed to be ok. it feels good at the time but no relief afterwards.
thanks for your advice, i will call the crisis line if need be. and thank you more for your encouragement, i wish i wasn't dealing with this, but i am so having positive encouragement is super helpful. thanks. love!
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