pic of day 9/30 and more...

so, i didn't sleep at all last night, again. the worst part is that i took a sleeping pill and at 4 when i was still awake, i took a half (1-1.5 at bedtime, following instructions) and i still didn't sleep. i'm supposed to tell them if i am still not sleeping next week so i will see how the weekend goes. after talking to my mom, i took a walk and i look super bright-eyed and bushy-tailed ...



at like 1pm i decided i could not do child care for a 12 step group, this was supposed to be my 2nd week; 1st ears, 2nd no sleep. i said i wanted to do it but understood if they needed to seek someone else out. i can't function, i couldn't even follow the bike and bus maps, i in fact had 2 windows open and was using half of one map and half of another which is batty but that's how my mind is working. i hand wrote a letter to the director today, so i hope she gets it tomorrow, it basically says i want to have an in-person meeting. oh and more co-workers are supporting me.

i biked to the post office, woot woot. i read all of 'the acid house' again except for the novella at the end which is up next. i am currently stumped for the first time ever on a sudoku, i think it's #87 in the book, now i want to look, dammit, #89, 88 in a row i was able to beat but i think i actually am just counting and not really looking at the boxes bc yeah, my functionality is super high. speaking of coming up on 72 hours here, 3 full days. i did txt my friend today but he wasn't available, i said i def. wanted to meet up tomorrow bc i want some for my b-day weekend =D i already feel as though i have made huge strides and will really challenge myself to ration. i was thinking of a weird electroshock therapy thing, like if i reached for it, it would shock me, or something....so yeah, i am keeping busy.

i got this book 'creative recovery' at the clinic tues. which has really broad addiction guidelines, from drugs to cigs to coffee to sex to anything and also different classifications from experimentation, social use, habitual use, abuse and dependence. the first exercise was to survey my propensity for addiction, it was 15 ?s, i answered all 15 yes. i turned the page and it said, if you have even one yes, than you are at a very high risk for addictive behaviors, now i knew this, but i thought they would have it in categories, like 1-5, etc. anyway. the next exercise was to write a story depicting my addictive bonds with 2 endings - one breaking and one staying bound. i wrote of cecil the spider. i will share tomorrow. can't think. anymore.