meh.

I've been depressed since Saturday. I mean my mom left, so some from that but I also came back to reality and it sucks.

I got the mail Saturday night and in it was a denial for Oregon Health Plan, again, and now am confused as to what is going on and so is Karapist. I called the OI Health coordinator to try to figure out what the hell is going on. Then I got a letter that said that I might be eligible for Aging and Disabled services but Karapist said that is for people who have frequent hospital stays or a physical disability, I didn't think it would be for me but since they sent the form, I thought maybe, or something.

Sunday was an okay day. Hung out at a friends house for a bit, had 2 samosas, mmmmmmmm! I can't really think what else I did, oh, homework, a bit of cleaning and I watched "The Darjeeling Limited" which was pretty good, I might watch again, but I might not, depends if mail got picked up or not, lol ;)

Then yesterday I dealt with a bunch of crap and then was sobbing uncontrollably, then was angry for crying like that, a great emotion when already really depressed. I focused my energy on other things, like school and setting up observations which I am doing at the school I love but I cried over that, too bc I try to do everything right and still I was supposed to contact dd before the teachers, I'm trying not to fret over it. I also got some work samples together to bring to an interview on Thursday, distraction was my tactic and it worked.

Group was really fucking annoying. I was there at like 10 til and we didn't start til 6:10 at least, then I was asked how my mood was and started talked, then Karapist showed up from feeding her meter and r came in late and then we did this chapter from a book which we started a few weeks ago which is kind of helpful but I can read on my own time. Then it was already like 645 and r talked til 710 repeating and not making sense and seeming pretty accusatory and not listening to feedback. Then sv talked and I had like 3 minutes. Literally. I had already talked about OHP a little and the job interview a little, like a sentence waiting for real group to start. I didn't get to talk in detail about those or at all about my visit with mom, my A grade and completing a course, starting a new course, communicating with old school, things with rb, nothing. It seemed like a waste. I know it isn't all about me, but to start late, run over with the stupid reading, not have 3 moderators check time, frustrating. Without OHP I can't get anything else, I need to go to WT House to sign up for 6 free weeks of individual, it's a start, it's something.

I am trying to keep busy. My allergies are sucky, majorly. I need coffee but have no milk or creamer which means I need to go out and it's raining, a lot of. But we're thinking happy thoughts. happy thoughts. happy thoughts. happy thoughts......