cleaning house

you know how in fake life you see people throwing things dramatically out of a window to the street? i am ready to just start throwing things out of my apartment. not logically throwing them away, but as mentioned above. fortunately, i would have to go out onto the landing to do this and then i would be throwing them down the stairs, losing the dramatic effect and prolly just getting annoyed that i have to pick them up. and there would be no one there watching fueling my fire making it even more dramatic. my apartment needs some therapy. i almost want to take pictures to show how horrific it is. but i'm embarrassed. maybe i should do some before and after shots bc then i could be proud of how i cleaned my apartment. geeeeeeeez. i really need some more stuff going on. and less thinking. it was recommended that i see psych last week (i asked karapist about a med change and she said not likely bc the pro works really well and klon does too, but she might up it. smoking really calms my thoughts but i've been cutting back or having none bc of $ - which kind of worries me bc i noticeably am more irritable, more fidgety and think a loooooooot more, she might want me on lithium bc she's brought that up before but i am apprehensive to do anything until i settle into school, 2 months!) i didn't go bc i was still in too much pain to leave. i should prolly go tomorrow but i have to do laundry and pack which will surely take the whole day. i kid. i wish i had something to do (besides clean, bc yes, i could do that). and, yes, it is 1:30 a.m. but sleep isn't happening and struggling makes me more tense and sleep happen less so i am not laying down yet. maybe there's some good programme on or some new on-demand stuff. i want hbo. i should see if i can get it free. i made a mix "mental health mix" i'm listening to it. one long run on paragraph of minimal sense making. xoxo - kisses and hugs
princess sparkle faerie unicorn