things are getting better

i had a mellow day yesterday and got to bed around 11. i didn't take a muscle relaxer and feel pretty good this morning.

if you were wondering about the rash on my fingers, which i know you were...it's now just dry skin, pretty bad, but better than a rash. so the calamine did it's job and i did use too much, live and learn.

i feel like my scholarship essay is lame. and when i try to edit it, i keep changing things that ultimately don't change it except for word choice or arrangement. i kind of wish it was longer than 300 words. that's like a half a page. i have like five 1-2 sentence paragraphs which i know is wrong. but i sound like i am obsessing a little. at least i did it and have a mold to work with.

i am going into work at some point. i am getting more nervous and speculative about it. but whatever is going to happen is going to happen and i am responsible for going there. i wrote them an informative e-mail which i should study before i decide to go and have been honest and will continue to be. but at the same time, i am looking for jobs in other fields. like a administrative assistant or something. having this would be a lot better until i found something. we'll have to see.

i am getting more and more excited for school. i looked at laptops and looks like i can get a basic one from dell for like $500. i would keep my desktop bc i like it but also have a laptop for basics. i might try to get it for my birthday from my fam combined, like mom, aus, g&p, ak&us. bc i sure as hell am not saving anything living paycheck to paycheck barely as i am. also, i want to get that kodak camera and it's still $150 with no frills, i would prolly want a memory card and maybe a bag or something. my dad will totally get that for my b-day for me. i also thought that i will most likely need financial help but i am going to wait until i get my finalized financial aid infor and schedule and see what the deal is and how much i can work and then maybe get loans or make a deal with family. see aus didn't have to pay for school so i think he got help or i don't know. it's impossible to compare. black sheep.

i really need to clean this place up. and do some fun stuff. besides reading i haven't been doing anything. creative or otherwise. some of my jewelry is good and sell-able and i can work on more. this video camera has got to go. btw, i like hiking, indoor rock climbing and seeing shows. sh is playing thursday at a place i like. i might go. calling friends. Njoy

UPDATE: It's 7pm and I lost my job through e-mail. I really am feeling better by leaps and bounds and wanted to continue on taking care of myself which I communicated to them and after a peaceful nap i got an e-mail saying that they were eager to meet this a.m. and that they needed someone more consistent but they still want to talk to me about how they can provide more support to their teachers. i wrote saying i would come into drop off my dr's note and card and get my belongings. i don't feel like talking to them, waste of my time. i am going to focus my job search out of education and into typing and filing-or something. I need something that is mind-numbing when at school so I can focus on school. and hopefully pays more. neat.