as mentioned, i had a really nice time on vacation. there ended up being 20 people up there total from thurs-sun, family and motorcycle gang members. i haven't gotten through all my pix yet. when i do i'll put em up on flickr. thurs it was just me and dad and jane and k and then 2 friends in the evening and friday and saturday more people came.
i feel sick. really hot and sweaty and on the verge of throwing up. i have no appetite. i would eat bread or crackers or something but i don't have that. and i don't want eggs, cheese, spinach, broccoli, quinoa or OJ. which are the only food items in my house. besides coffee which is prolly not helping and wine which i don't want right now.
i didn't sell my video camera after all. i got several scam offers of me to send it to nigeria, cairo and for foreign exchange students. but i told them no and put the add up at $300 cash from local buyers. i've gone down from $450-$300. i don't want to go lower than that. bc it's with the bag and tripod which add to it's value. mama needs money. mama needs a job more.
i got lots of mail from school. i was hoping it was my financial aid award packet. but it was not. it was 3 different letters telling me that my fingerprints needed to be verified by TSPC before i can get any financial aid letters or anything, plus they want a $225 deposit to prove i really intend to go or they will admit the next person on the list. it wasn't a form letter. they said i was one of the strongest candidates and thought i would be an asset to the cohort but since my application isn't considered "finalized" bc of the damn fingerprints that have already been cleared by the FBI and Homeland Security they need the deposit to hold my spot. dammit. i checked in with the gov't website and it says i only owe $3000 a year which i can get in loans and loans for off-campus housing. but i won't know until the school gets the verified fingerprints and then sends me my award letter. i also found out about a $4000 grant, i have to call and see if they participate in the TEACH program and i will apply for that right away.
so close, yet so far away. i've been crying and whining about how much i want to go to school. what i really don't understand is why no one will help me. parents and grandparents usually help with stuff like school, especially since it's been my dream since i was a little girl and have worked my ass off to get where i am, instead of yelling at them and telling them they are so intelligent yet so dumb at the same time and telling them the only way they can succeed is to move or get a job in computers or math. i've admitted i can't do it all alone, but i'll do as much as i can bc i've come too far to not do it now. and the program has 100% job placement with salaries $40K and up. and i'd be done in march 2010 and then subbing and hopefully a FT teacher in Sept 2010, that's only like 2 years away!!!!!!!!! so close, yet so far.
i'm going over to the hippies for a bit to ill. even though i technically shouldn't leave my house due to the severe weather warning and very high levels of pollen. i can't be a shut-in though. well, i could be, but it sucks. at least i've realized that. meh.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
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2 comments:
Who! 20 people is an incredible amount. It sounds like so much fun!!!
Do you think your sickness is more viral or do you think it's anxiety based? I know that you're stressed out about money.
Jay got that Nigeria scam at ebay too and he also did not fall for it. It was a long time ago. I can't believe that they're still at it.
Good luck with the scholarships. So, what's going on with the fingerprints? You had them done, right?
Do you owe 3000 dollars for the semester or for the year?
There's no doubt about it, applying and going to grad school can get VERY expensive. It's the nature of the beast. On the MFA forum I check I see people who have saved for a year just to afford the application process. Of course, those same people have applied to a dozen schools, which gets pretty costly.
Have you asked your parents or grandparents for any help? Just so you know and don't feel alone, my parents would NEVER help me get my masters or PhD. Ever. They've been very clear with me about it and when I began working toward my masters they wished me luck and offered babysitting but consider their financial responsibility in my education complete. I don't know what your family's feelings are, but my parents have expressed that I am an adult and if I want to do adult things and be independent than I need to be financially able to support my choices. Of course, if i got into a jam, they'd definitely help me out. No doubt about it. But they wouldn't commit to taking on a financial responsibility that they see as mine. This is why I look for fully funded programs with stipends when i am looking at phd programs.
I hope you get your financial aid. That 4000 dollar grant would be perfect.
If you do not get this grant, do they offer loans? '
If they don't offer loans can you go to your bank and see if you can get a loan for the full education amount?
And, if all else fails, you might have to defer your enrollment for a year, get a job for the day and a job for the night...just for saving for school. Either way, you have options. You will be able to go to school and you will be successful.
thank you. reading all that about school made me feel so much better.
yeah, 20 people, it was crazy fun, morning group breakfasts, group rides, trips to second hand stores, exploring the forest and the beach, barbeque pizzas (??!!-awesome), music played, sing a longs, roasting marshmallows (i ate one bc k roasted it for me even tho i usually don't - how's that for progress?)
i think i felt so shitty bc of anxiety. i had been looking at jobs on line and i just got that weird, uncomfortable feeling. i used to puke almost everyday if not more than once or everyday when i wasn't taking daily meds, awful.
yeah, this one lady was so nice and we wrote back 3-4 times and then she put $450 in my paypal guarantee (asking $350) and wanted it shipped to nigeria and when the shipping went through the transaction would be finalized and the money would transfer. yeah right. my step-bro and i were talking about that, we were like, well someone must fall for these things bc they keep doing em! but i didn't. now it's down to $300 and no one is replying. i'll wait till after the wkend and then post it for $250.
yeah, i had the fingerprints done and sent in. but they have to be "verified" meaning someone from the Teacher's Standards and Practices Commission has to verify them and say OK. which i already told them i had my FBI/HS ones for a favorable adjudication for working with children for 5 years from 2006 and they still needed it verified by TSPC.
$3000/yr as far as i understand. bc i am going to be a teacher, i am poor, my dad is a vietnam vet, i am an independent student living off campus most that money is given in scholarships and grants. i can easily get a $3000 gov't loan and more for housing. plus, i don't know i won anything from the school since all communication is barred until TSPC says i'm good.
they aren't quite finished with applying to be in the TEACH program, it's a new gov't grant program specifically for teacher ed programs, MH said that as soon as they finalized on their end we as MAT students would be given the opportunity to apply. they want people to go there, they have opportunities for gov't stuff, work study, their stuff and private stuff. i think i am too old for work study. i don't know if i'd be eligible for a private loan (they have one they suggest, i guess i may as well try) and i asked my dad and he didn't think the bank would give me money even if i did say it was for school, but i suppose i could try.
my mom and grandparents are insane, partly where i get it from i suppose. i paid for my undergrad and still owe like 15K on that. it's in deferment now, yet from november until june i continued to pay bc my grandparents were matching my payments yet NO PAYMENTS WERE DUE. NO INTEREST BEING ACCRUED. they insisted that wasn't true and we had to make payments. that's $800 i could've used for grad school stuff, not even counting if they matched it $1600. i know having debt is not good. but it's student loan debt, lots of people have it for 5x what i did and you can defer for lots of reasons and when i am in school it's deferred and you have your life to pay it back if you want or need. long winded.
i need support. not just financial support. my grandma does not support this at all. my mom was all happy for me until i lost my job (which does make sense) but turned from happy-happy to really mean. my brother knows it. they don't support me, no matter what i do they think i can do better. they have ridiculously high expectations of me. i want to be a teacher. i am going to be a teacher.
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