not good

i am supposed to be talking to karapist right now and instead i am crying and sweating in my apartment. i was actually excited all day for it. and then it came time to go and i literally froze. i showered. got dressed. had shoes on, was ready to go. and i couldn't. i went out and got the mail and practically ran inside. i am getting a little pukey writing this. i couldn't. i wrote her 2 crazy emails. and left a message. i told her i might answer the phone if she calls. it is imperative to see psych tomorrow.

i know i was excited bc i love karapist and it gets me out of the house.

i know i got so nervous bc i started thinking about real shit and having to face it. in like, literally, what the hell am i doing and what the hell am i gonna do?

i got one call for a phone interview. i plan to call tomorrow. i looked for the ad but i couldn't find it so they may've taken it down. it looks huge based on the site and i think it's an atlas or map or curriculum place that serves schools, i guess i have to read more not just look at fancy pictures, of all that i applied for it's one of the better places.

it's gonna be ok. dammit, why did i skip therapy. it's ok, you'll see psych tomorrow. and maybe karapist has something else, i do have every hour of every day open.

wish me luck and sanity.